30 Reasons Why Stargate Universe Was Canceled – A Critique and Review

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I watched the last episode of S.G.U. at 3/6/2011. I haven’t read anyone’s review of the shows except maybe two or three I think, when it was only a few episodes into the first season, but don’t remember what I read. I’m sure many people noticed the flaws that I did (especially people in wheelchairs). I don’t feel like making this into an eloquent review, so, I’ll just list the mistakes to get this over with quickly:

1) Drab and depressing characters with too many emotional issues to deal with, which was of course the writer’s way of being deep, but it over-complicated things and made it emotionally exhausting. Was this to make up for lack of money to do good special effects?

2) There weren’t enough special effects of amazing visuals. Why? Did Syfy want the show to fail from the beginning?

3) The shaky camera style: really annoying.

4) The characters were to eager for sex with their lovers despite them being in very different bodies: how many people would really have sex with someone claiming to be in someone else’s body, who wasn’t exactly beyond average attractiveness, even if they believed it were true, and within or after a day? Would it really be likely that the lovers at home would be that desperate for sex?

5) Lots of lens flare problems in two or three episodes, which made me think, “What is that?” I thought maybe the camera guy wasn’t paying attention and director didn’t care, that they thought maybe those ugly spots of light would look cool, but no, they were distracting.

6) Would the “keno” video recorders really have a grid to block the view? They could have simply used computer alien lingo on the border of the keno view somewhere to let people know it was a view from the keno, or even just a red blinking alien dot. It didn’t have to be fancy. The grid view made me wonder at times if the video I watched was a poor recording, which ruins trying to get into the show perfectly.

7) Terrible wardrobe at times. Like when Cloey turned Terminatrix, she looked like she was dressed in an old lady suit.

8) When Cloey escaped, shouldn’t she have ran, rather then walked like she was a Terminator? Should she have, in her genius state, realized they might try to seal her in? And she slammed a guy repeatedly into the wall, so, shouldn’t she have had enhanced speed to go with that strength? Maybe she didn’t look good running, or has a physical problem with running in “real life”. Plus, running in that outfit she was wearing would have looked silly. She should have dressed stealthily if she were preparing for an escape, unless her alien brain figured looking more casual would be better for fooling people into thinking she was just going to sit and take a bullet.

Cloey would have looked really good in wrapped in spandex though wrapped in black cloak so that you couldn’t see her body being really attractive in the spandex.

9) video recordings weren’t consistent in the “revenge for killing our girls” (my term) episode. At times it looked like live feed for a animal planet episode, even on the ship, and it looked like the shaky-camera style was being done to take peoples’ attention of the changed video definition. Did there video camera go bad and they had to switch it out?

10) Why in the world would you kill off two beautiful women in a show with only two in there, or at best three? They have all kinds of unbelievable things happening, REALLY unbelievable, and nonsensical, but they can’t stick in more beautiful men and women, not even in the luncheons? That’s a recipe for boredom. No beautiful planet draws you in more then a beautiful man or woman (depending on your sexual preference of course), and males don’t like looking at ugly or drab-dressed guys.

11) UGLY, BORING, ships. Even the water-aliens had boring ships. They looked like, like bathtubs turned into cargo ships with a silly glowing hole in the front. Not exactly threatening.

12) The double-crossing aliens also looked boring, and stupid. And what: no speech? Why so much boringness? The aliens were even dressed boring!

13) Even the alien clan humans were boring during the fight scenes on board Destiny: no special weapons! No, instead: BORING BULLETS! AAAAAAAAAHHHH!!! Stop boring me!

14) Too many weird events going on at once:

The magical code in the cosmic background, the arbitrary aliens playing God, the people they brought back to destiny in a weird way, and then returning (nonsensically) to the way they died, and ugly boring aliens trying to get Cloey back and take over Destiny, and the double-crossing ugly aliens, the brain-friend scientists who disappears in cryogenic smoke and reappears as the ship’s hologram seemingly and who also turns into the mad scientists wife now and then too!

15) The one guy who returned from the alien planet claimed he knew he would die, and yet in the keno recording, the aliens returned while he was still alive (or did they decide to just let him die for fun?)

16) Would that unstable clan alien, after making a super sincere non-fake apology start wandering around angrily right afterwards?!? I don’t think so! They should have made him seem fake in his apology, look give an evil look after making his apparently fake apology. But instead it was so real you had to believe he was sincere, and I wanted him to be sincere, instead they just made him a stereotypical dumb bad guy taken out of a show from McGuyver figuratively speaking.

17) Why would the unstable clan alien attack the red head out of everyone else, especially when someone else was in her body, and when she apparently didn’t know about the pending attack on Earth?

18) Would the mad scientist guy really be so weak and unstable after all the Hell he’s been through and so self-centered after repeatedly sincerely saying he’d be nice, so to speak, by killing the evil clan guy and putting Earth at risk of destruction or enslavement? Would that be doing honor to his former wife and the new love he lost? Wouldn’t he have rather seen the guy tortured into giving up secrets or a brainwashing machine used on him?

19) The “white boy” soldier in black: if he was an apparent Christian, why would he be unforgiving of the mad scientist, as he implied in the desert when they were looking for the evil clan guy? I could tell from the other things in the story, that the writer didn’t know much about religion.

20) It was over dramatic to have the captain and doctor acting hostile to the re-animated crew members. It made no sense, but was obviously the writer’s attempt to seem spiritual deep, like with the reference to having no soul and not being able to stay around those zombie people. It was like something a kid would write as a script: nonsensically dramatic.

21) I can see why the last episode was too much: you’re stuck in a battle with a very badly damaged ship, that keeps getting damaged throughout the shows, that keeps losing energy, and never recharges in some episodes, and the battle is filled with endless battle drones coming out of no where and no matter how many you destroy they keep coming, and the one ship that believable could have rescued you, unbelievably has abandoned you, and you’re about to be destroyed, which is the situation you were in about an hour before, in which you were miraculously rescued, after having miraculously received back re-animated dead people who for no logical reason make you uncomfortable, and who miraculously die the way they did before being reanimated, while a girl being changed into an alien, really slowly, is turning into a melodramatic emo girl in granny clothing, who escapes and does something really melodramatic that may have put the ship and its passengers in great danger, but can’t tell you how, but just knows, BUT, the ship is about to be destroyed by the drones anyways, oh and: she’s the last youthful hottie on the ship that you can see often, BUT she’s turning into an alien, and is apparently about to be taken away by Bathtub Aliens maybe? Hmmm…

So what would have been the next miraculous event to happen, that would have been no so miraculous as to be unbelievable. Hmmm. And what was it Cloey did, that wasn’t already obvious enough: giving away the location of the ship to the Bathtub aliens, or um, telling the aliens that it’s best to stay away because too many really weird things are happening on Destiny, and it’s about to get blown up with her, so, they’ll be safe from the multi-unbelievable-weirdness in the end.

22) Would the mad scientist doctor really have been so hostile about hearing God, after believing he’d discovered a miraculous code being projected in the cosmic background radiation? And wouldn’t he have been more curious about the survivor who returned from the dead, the one who brought up God to him, as to what his thoughts were about the code and God, being that that was what the show was getting deep into by bringing up this Cosmic Background Code? Or perhaps he was just a typical stupid “Western” arrogant atheist? There are lots of those.

23) Should the black sergeant, after having just gotten a major bullet would in the shoulder the day before, or few hours before, really be placed as Super Cloey’s guard and walking into her room to sob to her, AND TURN HER BACK TO HER WHEN WALKING OUT, WITHOUT ANY WEAPON IN EITHER HAND?! AFTER HAVING TOLD “BUTTER BARN” BOY TO STAY AWAY FROM HER???????????????

24) The severely handicapped woman: would she, after having come into a healthy body, NOT HAVE STARTED MARVELING AT HER NEW FOUND FREEDOM OF BEING ABLE TO BREATH NORMALLY AND WALK AND RUN AND TWIRL AROUND AND STRETCH, at some point? Shouldn’t she have said something like, “I can’t believe I can do everything a normal person can, and am doing it in such a strange way. This is so awesome I wish I could be in this body all the time!” But now, instead she acts calm and… wants sex with a miserable looking mad scientist who really really needed to shave and wash his hair more often, and, get a change of outfit!

25) Why, why, why, why, WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY, must they keep the weird kernel (Jacko) around with his weird anti-funny psychopathic humor? Talk about obsessed and not knowing when to quit.

26) AND DANIEL? Why is Daniel the archeo-scientist still hanging around for spy-kill missions? It doesn’t even make sense for him to be in those roles or for a scientist of his type to have been in such roles. And wow was his character prissy and pretentious.

27) Where did the brain-friend scientist disappear to when he or the computer made the room with the chair freeze, for no logical reason? Instead of a logical explanation, he’s brought back as what seems to be an annoying, pretentious, creepy, arbitrary unhelpful computer hologram that shows no signs of being a hologram except that it disappears and also shows itself as the mad scientist’s wife. And how does it know about his wife?

28) If Destiny “knows” what everyone on the ship is thinking, and can even implant images and computer simulations, then what is the point of the brain interface chair? None. That’s a potential contradiction that could break the show (though I can think of a way to explain it away logically).

29) According to the doctor Cloey was transforming into an alien about as fast as thermogenics would allow: shouldn’t then, at least once in the many times she was seen, have been seen eating, and eating a lot to keep up with the huge amount of energy the alien substance in her was using? Wouldn’t it have been more realistic?

30) Oh yeah: the Messiah baby… That was point 23 at first.

I read on a British news site that Firefly was coming back. *Shakes head*. Does anyone of intelligence think that the Reavers were realistic? Who doesn’t realize that a bunch of sociopathic cannibal humans that going wild for human flesh and can think of nothing else but eating it are not going to be able to pilot starships, at least with other insane socio-cannibals?

If I had been in charge of the direction of S.G.U… I can think of interesting and believable ways to save the show, but I have better things to do, like critique stupid atheistic shows trying to be profound…

Finished on 3/6/2011/7:07 AM