Mike Dawkins, Richard Shermer: Creationists Disproved by E. Coli
Once upon a time there were two men living in a building together who were passionately in love. They spent their time looking into petri dishes in which they were feeding E. Coli. “We will disprove these creationists easily,” said Mike with great confidence in his voice to his lover, Richard. Richard replied, “Yes we shall, for we are scientists and they believe in a magic sky daddy. They waste their time singing all day long to an imaginary sky daddy.” “Ho ho ho,” laughed Mike as he lifted his head up to laugh “You are so funny and scientific.” “I am indeed my lover,” replied Richard. Richard reached into his pocket and pulled out a gold pocket watch and flipped it open to look at the time and admire the watch. As Richard gently caressed the watch Mike looked at him with adoration. “Blind people can make pocket watches you know?” said Richard to Mike has he petted the watch, looking at it with adoration. “It’s so beautiful,” said Richard. “Beautiful like you, my handsome lover,” replied Mike. “Yes, I am beautiful, and so are you my Mikey.” They then ran at each other to kiss passionately. Suddenly Mike pulled away, “I must get back to my research to help shut these homophobes up once and for all. For all they care about is making life miserable for people who won’t believe in their invisible magic sky daddy.” “Yes my dear,” replied Richard. “Help me find my citrus powder, I want to see if my deadly E. Coli friends will eat it.” Richard walked to a cupboard to look for the powder. “Found it my dear,” said Richard as he reached up for the canister of citrus powder. “Good, bring it to be my cutems bootems.” “Yes my winky wankums.” Richard then pranced over to Mike like a young doe and stuck out the canister so Mike could grab it.” “Thank you dear.” Mike then poured the powder into the petri dish. These E. Coli can adapt to eat anything. They have no ability to eat this powder now, but they will in a little while I am sure. This shall prove the creationists are stupid sky daddy worshipers who are full of bigotry and sick hate for homosexuals and people who want to kill their fetuses which are a drain on the world and which remind them of rapists.” Richard raised his right eyebrow as he bent his head down to look at the dish. “Indeed,” said Richard. “Well, nothing is going to happen right now most likely, so lets go to bed and wait the next day to see what happens.” “Oh you’re so…” said Richard, “Shut up lets go to bed immediately, I want you more than anything.” And they both ran off to get in the bed together in the next room.
The next day Mike got out of bed and put on his white lab coat and went to look at the dish through his pink glitter-covered microscope with gold star stickers covering the eye tube. “Oh my imaginary sky daddy!” shouted Mike. “RICHARD! THEY’RE EATING THE CITRUS POWDER! THIS IS THE PROOF WE’VE BEEN WAITING FOR!” Richard slowly opened his eyes as he awoke from his sleep. “What? What’s going on?” Mike ran over to Richard and jumped into bed. “Richard, Richard they’re eating the powder!” said Mike with his hands on Richard’s chest. He then pulled Richard up and hugged him tightly, and then kissed his cheek.” “Richard, we have defeated them.” Mike began to cry tears of joy. I’m going to write up my dissertation now to shame them. He immediately let Richard go and Richard plopped backwards back into bed and quickly turn to his side to go back to sleep.
Mike then went to write in his reasonablepeopleforloveandtruthwiki.com:
I’ve spent 20 years researching E. Coli, and have shown that life forms can indeed evolve to do things they could never do before. For I have poured citrus powder into a petri dish of E. Coli that could not eat citrus powder, and the next day I observed them eating the powder. I’m going to show it to my unbiased colleague Dr. Shermer who has no personal reason to be interested in my experiments later on and he will peer review it and finalize this proof. Again: the E. Coli had no ability to eat this powder, and then the next day they then had the ability to eat it: PROOF OF EVOLUTION! BACTERIA CAN INDEED TURN INTO MEN! AND IF BACTERIA, THEN HOW MUCH MORE CAN FISH WALK AND TURN INTO MEN! YES! FISH CAN TURN INTO MEN, THIS IS PROOF INDEED! SHOUT IT FROM THE ROOFTOPS MY FELLOW SCIENTISTS. FOR WE ARE NOW ON OUR WAY TO TOTAL SEXUAL FREEDOM. WE SHALL BRAKE THE CHAINS AROUND OUR PELVISES AND MOUTHS OF THE EVIL SKY DADDY AND HIS JEEBUS! WE SHALL NO LONGER HAVE TO SIT AT THE BACK OF BUSES! WE SHALL SIT AT THE FRONT, EVEN IN THE DRIVER’S SEATS! YES! WE SHALL DRIVE THE BUSES FOR NOW ON!”
Problems that Plague Creationists:
Creationists believe in a magical sky daddy that magically just makes things that magically just have the ability to do things and for which they offer no explanation as to how they gained their abilities. In addition to being homophobes and prostitute-haters they are truly are unscientific and anti-scientific, practisers of pseudoscience, much like the pagans who once practiced sorcery whom these zealot CHRISTians would set fire to in their jealousness over not being able to control the thoughts of others. They can’t explain anything rationally and resort to demonization, vilification and mockery in the place of scientific proofs like I have presented to you here.
(So Lenski’s e. coli experiment is evidence for evolution is it? After reading the site at this link you’ll hopefully realize how they twisted the facts if my story didn’t.)