Core Signs of Narcissism Disorder – An Explanatory List and Warning

The long original article I wrote on narcissism and psychopathy is here: http://eternian.wordpress.com/2010/03/16/psychopaths-sociopaths-narcissists.

Narcissists are

1. Self-obsessed/self-centered/love themselves far above others. They love to talk about themselves when they are in a good mood and to someone who they think approves of their character. They have little interest in the personal lives of most people unless it’s some famous person they want attention from or someone they are interested in manipulating/taking advantage of or controlling. This self-worship is expressed/shows itself in various ways all or most of which is summarized in the rest of this list. A self-centered person is obviously going to be a stingy/tight-fisted person too (which is another sign of a narcissist).

2. Attention-craving. Narcissists act and speak in a way that shows an extreme desire to have direct attention. This behavior can be displayed in many ways including opposing ways. Examples: acting hyper; complaining about personal problems real or not/pretending to have problems like perpetual debt, addictions or something hard to disprove like “gender dysphoria”; endless talking; making odd sounds even fake snoring; making strange body movements’, unfriendly behavior; flattering a person; trying to befriend everyone and anyone; being overbearing/trying to be around someone often despite it annoying that person.

3. Inappropriately control-seeking. Narcissists, because they are arrogant, callous and self centered a narcissist will also be very controlling of others bossy, pushy, busy-bodies/nosy, especially towards people they dislike and are living with, failing to be polite in the way they may desire, like asking you to say “please” yet they themselves failing to do so. They will sometimes speak in a demanding or offending way even if you’ve done nothing wrong, and likely accusing you of doing something wrong if you take visible offense at them bossing you around. In a way, this is their way of taking their anger out on a person to make themselves feel better, trying to make themselves feel in control, superior and satisfying some desire for revenge on someone who hurt them, even decades ago.

4. Very prideful. Their pride causes arrogant behavior and boasting. They consider themselves to be better than everyone else, and some may feel or say that they are equal to God or are God. This dwelling on themselves with a false image of their greatness helps quell and mask the bitterness in them. This helps the narcissist to survive in that they are not preoccupied as much with bitterness and hate but on how great they are and may become and how inferior others are. Narcissists are more likely to praise themselves than the average person. In one example, my father, who has NPD, once sent me an email when I used an email he was unfamiliar with. He didn’t realize it was me at all, and his first reply without anything else said, was to tell me about books he had written. There was no explanation as to why he did this other than to impress a stranger and perhaps in his own humorous way. Regardless, what he did was extremely weird and the tone of his reply was not humorous, but serious. He never explained why he replied the way he did, and it was so awkward I didn’t want to embarrass him, so didn’t ask.

5. Generally uncaring and unconcerned about the experiences of others that have no positive focus on them (the narcissist). Narcissists are cold to the suffering and hurt feelings of others or possibility of such, and therefore makes rude, insulting and annoying speech and actions. A narcissist, when expressing sorrow even, does it in a way that often shows insincerity or a very low amount of sorrow and regret. They also have a very low interest in the positive experience of others, and any interest they do express is pretense or a really (and they may not realize this themselves) interest in what they personally feel but expressed through talking about what others have said or done which is in agreement with their feelings and beliefs.

6. Immature. Narcissists don’t seem to advance in maturity beyond the age of sixteen or even younger, so, to those who especially get to know one, may notice that they retain a naive and simple view of the world and so are shallow, not thinking about anything deep, at least for long. They may get into a little philosophy or have some deep understanding of criminal mindedness but they don’t get far and never get deep into logic or morality. Though they may say logic and morality are important and good morals and logic a backbone of a good life and civilization, they have poor moral control and fling off logic when they feel they can get away with it, and often their judgement as to whether or not they can get away with something is wrong due to their constant focus on their self and not paying attention to the words, actions and visible feelings of others enough. They are like children around or under the age of twelve with adult intelligence and know-how (not that all narcissists have a normal IQ, some are surely stupid). Narcissist delight in immature brutish jokes or what most moral and sober people would consider unfunny, unfunny even to most kids. Being immature, narcissists are also

7. Extremely stubborn towards/resistant to correction and rebuke. Some say that past age 16 the narcissists narcissism becomes a permanent part of their personality, so then expect a narcissist to be impossible to change and stubbornly repeating the same mistakes even after having a moment of guilt and sorrow over something they did that they realized was very morally wrong.

8. Bad-tempered. Narcissists always have bitterness in them no matter how much happiness they show and whatever happiness they do show is always meshed with that bitterness. They will have fits of rage when they feel they are being greatly ignored or violated in some way, especially by someone they hate, which would be someone who consistently corrects or rebukes them for their bad speech and acts. So, they are more easily annoyed than the average person, more irritable. In my opinion, narcissists seem to especially hate being talked over even if what they have to say is very obvious and you’re letting them know that to speed up an argument or conversation. I’m not saying that a narcissist won’t tolerate some annoyance or will immediately get upset, as the general mood they are in will determine how fast and what the topic is, if it is a big deal to them or not.8

9. Hypocritical and contradictory. For example a wealthy or poor narcissist may say that everyone should be generous with what they have, including those in extreme poverty, yet the narcissist will themselves be stingy.

10. Absurdly paranoid. A narcissist isn’t merely fearful, but has absurd fears, irrational ones. For example a narcissist may repeatedly check for some problem that is very unlikely and of little imortance even if likely and neglecting other things of much more importance to show concern about, such as showing more concern for a cheap and common gift they bought over the person they bought it for.

11. Often irrational in their requests. This is often due to their not finding the feelings and actions of others to be important or misreading the feelings and behaviors of others.

12. Rarely content, unappeasable, thankless/unthankful. Though you can get a narcissist to be happy about something you did that they wanted you to do, they will always feel you fall short regardless of any praise they give you. For example though you live with one and wash their dishes for them and yourself, they will, when they fail to do their fair share, think not to do them themselves but rather to make a rule that “we must read” the narcissist may say, which is that, “The dishes must be immediately washed after using them” to make sure that YOU keep doing them so that they are free of that burden. In a way, by doing that, they show their lack of thanks for the voluntary kindness of their dishes being washed. In a narcissist’s world, even if you say, “Please,” with complete politeness and love, you may come across to them as “demanding” and “snappy” and they may say so in your face.

13. Frequently depressed (nearly unable to experience pleasure, deep interest or happiness due to extreme sadness) or melancholic (often in a generally sad mood). Narcissists are often deeply sad after their moments of happiness which is due to their extreme dissatisfaction with their life. The more a narcissist has going for them, the less sad they may seem, but one with little, beauty, intelligence, money or talent will naturally have more to be sad over. The older a narcissist gets the more worn out, as with anyone, and with that the more sad a narcissist will become as they see and realize they are losing their strength and approaching death.ll

14. Gullible. Their gullibility manifests when they are flattered by someone who they haven’t been insulted by or who they don’t find to be personally offensive, however flattering a narcissist doesn’t always get them to be kind to you, in fact inflating their pride can get them to become even more callous towards you. In general however flattering a narcissist can cause them to assume that what you say is true unless it goes against some deeply held beliefs they have other than their superiority to all others or right to do whatever they want to due to their accomplishments, imagined or not or sufferings, real or not.

15. More immoral than the average person. Narcissists will tend to be more immoral than most people, more likely to assume, argue before listening, steal, have malicious thoughts, say malicious things, feel jealousy, commit adultery, lie about very important subjects, murder. Narcissists have poor morals because they were raised in such a way to believe they are so important that moral laws are not as important as them having a happy life and due to their low amount of conscience to help them feel when they are doing wrong.

16. Almost always lacking in shame, expressions of guilt. That lack is due to a narcissist’s lack of a healthy conscience, regard for good morals and their alternate twisted morals and logic. Narcissists also often shift blame almost entirely on others and so feeling guilt is also avoided that way. Some narcissists, at least for a show, will plenty however blame themselves for some mess up, or say that they are stupid or feel stupid over some big blunder, especially in front of someone they want help from. They do this for the reason anyone else would, and that is to not appear to be so oblivious as to be like an insane person that should be ignored no matter what they say and so as they or others would conclude, therefore unworthy of attention and help.

Additional signs: (the additional signs are in a book I intend to publish).

Avoid a narcissist, you may end up dead through some accident
caused by a narcissist preoccupied with his grand delusions and attention-seeking or from his or her fit of rage.

If you would like me to help you deal with, diagnose and or correct the narcissist behavior of anyone under age 16 contact me at fototrick@gmmail.com. There will be a fee.

  1. nickpastorino
    February 14, 2014 at 1:45 PM

    You only described narcissists here, not psychopaths. Psychopaths don’t want attention.

    • February 14, 2014 at 9:45 PM

      Of course psychopaths want attention, why wouldn’t they? They just don’t want it as much as a narcissist does. You made an overgeneralization that is for sure. If psychopaths didn’t want attention they’d either all be hermits or kill themselves soon after becoming one. And I never said psychopaths wanted attention, I simply forgot to include a description.

  2. nickpastorino
    February 14, 2014 at 1:59 PM

    A narcissist is an insecure bully that has no interest in love or sex and only uses people for attention and social status. A psychopath will act like a charming nice guy to his victims in order to get whatever it is he wants from them. Narcissists are usually religious people holding powerful jobs and are the victims of an abusive youth where their father may have left them are their mother neglected them (hence why they seek attention above all else). A psychopath is more likely to use people for things like sex, money, and entertainment. A psychopath is not insecure about their worth in society like a narcissist is. Some people are both narcissists and psychopaths, ironically called narcissistic psychopaths. Also, I think a psychopath is born evil due to an impaired amygdala (a lobe in the brain) while a sociopath loses their empathy for others from childhood bullying and abuse.

    • February 14, 2014 at 7:46 PM

      What is your evidence for “Narcissists are usually religious people holding powerful jobs”? Nearly every narcissist I’ve encountered was an atheist or a pagan (with an arbitrary way of worship, so not “religion” but disorganized worship of some god or gods), having no organized religion. I even met one rejected from a catholic church, he was a plain as day narcissist. Dawkins is an obvious narcissist. Further, what does religion have to do with it? Are you implying THEISTS by saying religious? Psychopaths are said to be the tidy ones, by the way, not narcissists. In a way, being tidy is similar to being religious, being organized. I don’t know if that is a myth, and I would think it is being that psychopaths have no conscience, and a lack of conscience leads to disorder. Were Mao, Pol Pot, Stalin, Hitler, and so on, religious? The only religious ones I can think of are various Pentecostals, which though being a type that heaps up many teachers, these are all teachers in general, of low position. A worship leader or bible study teacher for example. The powerful ones I know are narcs are Benny Hinn, Rick Warren, Paul Crouch – dead, Jan Crouch maybe, but she lacks a bitter face that narcissists have as far as I can tell, Jesse Duplantis, Kenneth Copeland, the Dalai Lama (a religious atheist), Alex Jones (an unstable liar who sounds very insincere to me when claiming to be a Christian, especially being that he stereotypes all of them often), Joseph Smith – dead, Mohammed – dead, Caligula (who may have been schizophrenic too) – dead. Surely there are many other religious narcissist with high jobs, as many as there are narcissist Buddhist atheists. However I believe from reason, that a narcissist is more likely to be an atheist. I don’t think this can be said to be an opinion, because they are self-centered, hating authorities, especially good ones, because narcissists are very evil. The more evil you are, the more you will hate what is good, that is inevitable. The more evil you are the more you will love evil, the more good, the more you will love good. And the more evil you are, the more unstable. A narcissist who was raised to believe in God will, I am sure, be often torn between atheism and theism, because of their deep self-centeredness and bitterness. Religion, is not a factor, religion is simply organized worship. In the Bible, God figuratively says true religion is to help widows in their distress, orphans and to keep yourself polluted from the world, in other words to in your heart, be a good person, and if your heart is good, that will be expressed with actions, like helping people who really need help and keeping yourself from doing the evil things the world does. Literally though, religion is organized worship. In the case of Buddhists, it is worship of Buddha, and some Buddhist philosophy/doctrine and ritual. I don’t see any correlation between having a method of worshiping something, and being self-centered, there’s no logical obvious relation. Consider: many to all of the top universities (there’s 100’s of them) will get rid of teachers claiming to be creationists or teaching it. Being a university dean of a top university is one of the most powerful jobs you can have. And I would guess, that if that is how top universities are staffed, that the same is probably true for top private and I would bet public schools too. Evidence that these are all mainly atheist controlled universities: “Eight Catholic universities and colleges made Forbes’ top 100 in its annual list of America’s Top Colleges”. And being that Catholics are by very far the most numberous type of Christians, there must be even few “top” universities that are of some other type of Christian religion, like Baptist. And obviously there are no top Wiccan or pagan universities, as those are types that reject science in general and have a poor understanding of what it is.

    • Debbie
      March 30, 2014 at 4:27 AM

      I am just going to say it. I have been with my husband for 15 years and I can not longer take it. He fits everything spoken of a narcissist. He is very ill. I do not know what to do.

      • April 1, 2014 at 6:27 PM

        The Bible, God’s word, permits husbands and wives to separate if they cannot leave at peace with each other, it applies to members of churches and every situation except in which you are forced, like a slave being held captive to a master. It says, “If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.” If this weren’t a command, and was some worldly wisdom, it would make good common sense wouldn’t it? There’s also another verse that tells slaves to win their freedom if they can, in way, at least combined with that other verse, it is perfectly reasonable for a wife to leave a husband who is not just evil, but severely, and permanently so. Get out from under the whip and find a better life if you can. If you’re not saved, get saved first as explained in one of the links above in my journal.

  3. May 8, 2014 at 3:43 PM

    My mother (the most narcissistic creature I have personally known) is now on an atheist high horse. It is her most recent way of getting attention. Mocking Christians is one of her hobbies, along with watching “stupid people” on reality TV. This atheism passion quickly followed a brief, intense claim to be Buddhist. I’m not sure what is next for her–possibly the loony bin.

    • May 9, 2014 at 12:35 AM

      Often narcs and psychos in and in their love to harm others send those better than them away to be locked up or drugged into zombieness from the position of their authority. The ones who end up as authorities are the most dangerous, obviously.

  4. shen huong
    September 17, 2014 at 11:16 AM

    My brother who I haven’t seen for many years, he was a bit lazy and didn’t care much about anything. I purchased some property with my mom’s help and he’s very angry at me for doing so well. He ha become a full fledged narcissist. My father was one too, my late father. I’m soshocked to see that all the narcisitic traits encarnated so well and are amplified in him. I always purposefully sought to be night and day from my father BC he caused us to suffer greatly during childhood. But my younger brother seems to purposefully be like dad and much worse. I’m still in shock and don’t know what to think. I used to get into big email arguments with him. Now I’ve toned it down.. But I’m stillin awe of it all. They do not respond well to advice or correction. He does seem like he does not have a conscience. I confronted him about frequenting prostitutes and doing one night stands. The amazing part is that he never came out to say he does not do it. Rather he questioned my sexuality. I explained to him, you know ladies for most part will not hire prostitutes. I was invited to chippendale once but turned it down cause I think it’s disgusting. We are disputing some properties we own and he wants to make me destitute. My mom unwittingly cooperates. I’m like, have everyone gone out of their minds… I do have a generous income so these days I’m not hung up at all. See what happens. I feel bad BC deep down I do care about him.

    • September 17, 2014 at 12:07 PM

      You mean “night FROM day” or night “versus” day in personality in your comment, right?

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