Core Signs of Narcissism Disorder – An Explanatory List and Warning
The long original article I wrote on narcissism and psychopathy is here: http://eternian.wordpress.com/2010/03/16/psychopaths-sociopaths-narcissists.
1. Self-obsessed/self-centered/love themselves far above others. They love to talk about themselves when they are in a good mood and to someone who they think approves of their character. They have little interest in the personal lives of most people unless it’s some famous person they want attention from or someone they are interested in manipulating/taking advantage of or controlling. This self-worship is expressed/shows itself in various ways all or most of which is summarized in the rest of this list. A self-centered person is obviously going to be a stingy/tight-fisted person too (which is another sign of a narcissist).
2. Attention-craving. Narcissists act and speak in a way that shows an extreme desire to have direct attention. This behavior can be displayed in many ways including opposing ways. Examples: acting hyper; complaining about personal problems real or not/pretending to have problems like perpetual debt, addictions or something hard to disprove like “gender dysphoria”; endless talking; making odd sounds even fake snoring; making strange body movements’, unfriendly behavior; flattering a person; trying to befriend everyone and anyone; being overbearing/trying to be around someone often despite it annoying that person.
3. Inappropriately control-seeking. Narcissists, because they are arrogant, callous and self centered will also be very controlling of others bossy, pushy, busy-bodies/nosy, trying to exploit and take advantage of people for various reasons, especially towards people they especially dislike, failing to be polite in the way they may desire, like asking you to say “please” yet they themselves failing to do so. They will sometimes speak in a demanding or offending way even if you’ve done nothing wrong, and likely accusing you of doing something wrong if you take visible offense at them bossing you around. In a way, this is their way of taking their anger out on a person to make themselves feel better, trying to make themselves feel in control, superior and satisfying some desire for revenge on someone who hurt them, even decades ago.
4. Very prideful. Their pride causes arrogant behavior and boasting. They consider themselves to be better than everyone else, and some may feel or say that they are equal to God or are God. This dwelling on themselves with a false image of their greatness helps quell and mask the bitterness in them. This helps the narcissist to survive in that they are not preoccupied as much with bitterness and hate but on how great they are and may become and how inferior others are. Narcissists are more likely to praise themselves than the average person. In one example, my father, who has NPD, once sent me an email when I used an email he was unfamiliar with. He didn’t realize it was me at all, and his first reply without anything else said, was to tell me about books he had written. There was no explanation as to why he did this other than to impress a stranger and perhaps in his own humorous way. Regardless, what he did was extremely weird and the tone of his reply was not humorous, but serious. He never explained why he replied the way he did, and it was so awkward I didn’t want to embarrass him, so didn’t ask.
5. Generally uncaring and unconcerned about the experiences of others that have no positive focus on them (the narcissist). Narcissists are cold to the suffering and hurt feelings of others or possibility of such, and therefore makes rude, insulting and annoying speech and actions. A narcissist, when expressing sorrow even, does it in a way that often shows insincerity or a very low amount of sorrow and regret. They also have a very low interest in the positive experience of others, and any interest they do express is pretense or a really (and they may not realize this themselves) interest in what they personally feel but expressed through talking about what others have said or done which is in agreement with their feelings and beliefs.
6. Immature. Narcissists don’t seem to advance in maturity beyond the age of sixteen or even younger, so, to those who especially get to know one, may notice that they retain a naive and simple view of the world and so are shallow, not thinking about anything deep, at least for long. They may get into a little philosophy or have some deep understanding of criminal mindedness but they don’t get far and never get deep into logic or morality. Though they may say logic and morality are important and good morals and logic a backbone of a good life and civilization, they have poor moral control and fling off logic when they feel they can get away with it, and often their judgement as to whether or not they can get away with something is wrong due to their constant focus on their self and not paying attention to the words, actions and visible feelings of others enough. They are like children around or under the age of twelve with adult intelligence and know-how (not that all narcissists have a normal IQ, some are surely stupid). Narcissist delight in immature brutish jokes or what most moral and sober people would consider unfunny, unfunny even to most kids. Narcissists may also use the childish behavior of ignoring you and pretending to be too busy to pay attention to you in order to avoid dealing with some shameful thing they just did, trying to act like what happened was nothing to express sorrow over. Being immature, narcissists are also extremely stubborn.
7. Extremely stubborn towards/resistant to correction and rebuke. Some say that past age 16 the narcissists narcissism becomes a permanent part of their personality, so then expect a narcissist to be impossible to change and stubbornly repeating the same mistakes even after having a moment of guilt and sorrow over something they did that they realized was very morally wrong.
8. Bad-tempered. Narcissists always have bitterness in them no matter how much happiness they show and whatever happiness they do show is always meshed with that bitterness. They will have fits of rage when they feel they are being greatly ignored or violated in some way, especially by someone they hate, which would be someone who consistently corrects or rebukes them for their bad speech and acts. So, they are more easily annoyed than the average person, more irritable. In my opinion, narcissists seem to especially hate being talked over even if what they have to say is very obvious and you’re letting them know that to speed up an argument or conversation. I’m not saying that a narcissist won’t tolerate some annoyance or will immediately get upset, as the general mood they are in will determine how fast and what the topic is, if it is a big deal to them or not.8
9. Hypocritical and contradictory. For example a wealthy or poor narcissist may say that everyone should be generous with what they have, including those in extreme poverty, yet the narcissist will themselves be stingy.
10. Absurdly paranoid. A narcissist isn’t merely fearful, but has absurd fears, irrational ones. For example a narcissist may repeatedly check for some problem that is very unlikely and of little imortance even if likely and neglecting other things of much more importance to show concern about, such as showing more concern for a cheap and common gift they bought over the person they bought it for.
11. Often irrational in their requests. This is often due to their not finding the feelings and actions of others to be important or misreading the feelings and behaviors of others.
12. Rarely content, unappeasable, thankless/unthankful. Though you can get a narcissist to be happy about something you did that they wanted you to do, they will always feel you fall short regardless of any praise they give you. For example though you live with one and wash their dishes for them and yourself, they will, when they fail to do their fair share, think not to do them themselves but rather to make a rule that “we must read” the narcissist may say, which is that, “The dishes must be immediately washed after using them” to make sure that YOU keep doing them so that they are free of that burden. In a way, by doing that, they show their lack of thanks for the voluntary kindness of their dishes being washed. In a narcissist’s world, even if you say, “Please,” with complete politeness and love, you may come across to them as “demanding” and “snappy” and they may say so in your face.
13. Frequently depressed (nearly unable to experience pleasure, deep interest or happiness due to extreme sadness) or melancholic (often in a generally sad mood). Narcissists are often deeply sad after their moments of happiness which is due to their extreme dissatisfaction with their life. The more a narcissist has going for them, the less sad they may seem, but one with little, beauty, intelligence, money or talent will naturally have more to be sad over. The older a narcissist gets the more worn out, as with anyone, and with that the more sad a narcissist will become as they see and realize they are losing their strength and approaching death.ll
14. Gullible. Their gullibility manifests when they are flattered by someone who they haven’t been insulted by or who they don’t find to be personally offensive, however flattering a narcissist doesn’t always get them to be kind to you, in fact inflating their pride can get them to become even more callous towards you. In general however flattering a narcissist can cause them to assume that what you say is true unless it goes against some deeply held beliefs they have other than their superiority to all others or right to do whatever they want to due to their accomplishments, imagined or not or sufferings, real or not.
15. More immoral than the average person. Narcissists will tend to be more immoral than most people, more likely to assume, argue before listening, steal, have malicious thoughts, say malicious things, feel jealousy, commit adultery, lie about very important subjects, murder. Narcissists have poor morals because they were raised in such a way to believe they are so important that moral laws are not as important as them having a happy life and due to their low amount of conscience to help them feel when they are doing wrong.
16. Almost always lacking in shame, expressions of guilt. That lack is due to a narcissist’s lack of a healthy conscience, regard for good morals and their alternate twisted morals and logic. Narcissists also often shift blame almost entirely on others and so feeling guilt is also avoided that way. Some narcissists, at least for a show, will plenty however blame themselves for some mess up, or say that they are stupid or feel stupid over some big blunder, especially in front of someone they want help from. They do this for the reason anyone else would, and that is to not appear to be so oblivious as to be like an insane person that should be ignored no matter what they say and so as they or others would conclude, therefore unworthy of attention and help.
Additional signs: (the additional signs are in a book I intend to publish).
Narcissists can have widely varying personalities. Some may play cry baby to get attention, some avoid and abhor showing great sadness and would rather display happiness, contentedness and emotional stability. Some may prefer to only show off some talent to the world or only a few they think are prestigious enough.
Avoid a narcissist, you may end up dead through some accident caused by a narcissist preoccupied with his grand delusions and attention-seeking or from his or her fit of rage.
If you would like me to help you deal with, diagnose and or correct the narcissist behavior of anyone under age 16 contact me at firstname.lastname@example.org. There will be a fee.